Lady Gaga is Effie Trinket’s Father. (The REAL Story)
One day, when Lady Gaga was leaving her father Tim Burton’s house, she fell face flat on the floor as she walked in her ninety-two-inch heels. She had tripped over a magazine that read: “Motherhood,” which gave her an idea. “By darn by damn if such is true, then I, Lady Gaga, must be a mother, too!” You see, since she was created by Tim Burton, she had to speak in rhymes. But, as soon as she rhymed that little ditty, she realized that surely she couldn’t be a mother, for she had a penis. So, she decided to be a father, and created a beautiful monster in her basement, the most favorite monster of all her little monsters, and she named her Effie…Effie Trinket.
But, something went terribly wrong. After raising Effie and giving her a fabulous sense of fashion, personality, and charisma, Lady Gaga forgot one thing…her second favorite monster; Alejandro. He was such a jealous biatch that Lady Gaga had to protect Effie from being killed each and everyday because of Alejandro’s jealous schemes. But, one day, she couldn’t help it anymore, Alejandro had stabbed Effie in her favorite, cashmere scarf with the pink doilies and butterflies on the edges. Lady Gaga was so angry at Alejandro, she cast him away to a place called District 12, where he had to mine for the rest of his life to support Effie’s diamond obsession, and then Lady Gaga decided to move all her favorite little monsters to the Capitol, a grand new place where all fashonistas and metrosexual men could live happily and freely. Thus, the Capitol was born, and Effie still lives on today, for she is immortal.
That’s all, folks!
follow me @bitchesgottaeathungergames, for more retarded THG humor. 
